November 2004

Some Different Marine Definitions

Aboard - 1) A piece of construction lumber. 2) What one becomes when one is a-uninterested.

Afterguy-Last guy in a line

Amidships - Surrounded by boats. Often confused with the displaying of an anchor.

Anchor - 1) A device designed to bring up mud and weed samples from the bottom. 2) What you display when you're surrounded by other boats.

Anchor Light- A small light used to indicate the battery condition.

Berth - A newborn crew member.

Bitter End - 1) The last racer of the finish line. 2) The wrong end of a siphon hose. 3) The time to alert the bartender in the English pub. (USA definition=Last Call before closing.)

Boom - Loud noise made during a jibe sometimes quieted by a grinder before swimming. (also see Grinder, Helmsman).

Boomkin - A very young boom.

Bottom Paint - 1) Paint found on a pair of pants after the cockpit seats have been freshly painted. 2) The most dented can of paint.

Bow - 1) The best part of the ship to ram another with. 2) Front part of catamarans often found underwater.

Bunk - Location to store unused sails.

Can Buoy - (Pronounced Can BOY) - A male with diarrhea.

Chart - A nautical map that shows what you just hit.

Chine - Word used after, "rise and ..."

Chock - Full right up to here...

Clew - 1) What a skipper is inclined to do. 2) An oriental crew member. 3) What a new sailor doesn't have any of.

Companionway - 1) A double berth. 2) A narrow channel.

Cunningham- A sly pig.

Dangerous Waters - Lying to your spouse.

Deadrise - Waking up before sunrise.

Dead Reckoning - 1) What a Southern Doctor pronounces after a sailor goes to Davy Jone's Locker. 2) Using a map instead of a chart.

Deviation - 1) Shipboard orders given by a landlubber. 2) Any departure from the captain's orders. 3) A ship full of deviates.

Displacement - Accidental loss, i.e. when you dock your boat and later can't find it.

Estimated Position - 1) Where you're not. (common after multiple rhumb lines.)

Foreguy - 1) First guy in a line.

Foul Wind - 1) A breeze made by a goose. 2) An odor.

Freeboard - 1) Food supplies from the owner. 2) Free lumber.

Great Circle - 1) Ships course when the rudder is stuck. 2) What's around your eye after a fight. 3) A depression left in a seat cushion.

Grinder - Crew member stationed near the boom and enjoys swimming. (see boom).

Halyard - 1) Line that fails when you're winning 2) Measurement according to Hal.

Hatch - 1) Opening on a boat made to fall in. 2) Where you store eggs. 3) What a lookout wears on his head while cruising the polar regions.

Headway - 1) What you are making when fixing the toilet. 2) A desert the cook makes, similar to "curds 'n whey".

Heaving Line - 1) The line used to hold onto while being sick. Often found after making headway. 2) The location next to a rhumb line.

Heave to - The second person to get sick.

Keel - A heavy depth gauge.

Helmsman - 1) One who actually listens to the tactician. 2) A crew member who enjoys an uncontrollable jibe. (also see Boom).

Landlubber - Anyone on board who shouldn't be.

Latitude - The number of degrees "off-course" allowed to a guest.

Lazy Guy - Most sailers when they're not

Lazy Jack - 1) The title given to the guy who's crewed on other boats one time only. 2) Item found in trunk of car that has very good tires and/or often left at home by trailer sailers.

Leech- A crewmember that's always broke.

Luff- What a helmsman never notices. (see Telltale)

Marine Flashlight - Waterproof place to store dead batteries.

Naval Warfare - Two bellies rubbing.

Nun Buoy (pronounced Nun BOY)- A religious transvestite.

OD Paint - Paint applied Over-Dirt.

Port - A fine red wine, always stowed on the left side of the boat.

Reef Point - A portion of rock sticking out of the water.

Rhumb Line - Two or more crew members waiting for a drink.

Ring Buoy - Otherwise known as a ring bearer in weddings

Round Rigger - 1) Crew member who hides in a rum barrel. 2) Opposite of a square rigger.

Sextant - 1) A brass device used to detect night time activities of guests. 2) Canvass shelter devices used while camping when the kids are in school.

Sheet - 1) Line designed to make gloves fail. 2) Something with the ability to tangle on anything.

Shroud - Equipment used in connection with the wake.

Snatch Block - 1) A term used by sailors returning late from shoreleave. 2) A female crew member you can't seem to get around.

Spinnaker - A large sail deployed in dead calm winds used to keep the crew busy.

Spring Line - 1) A line purchased at the beginning of the season. 2) Coils of metallic rope.

Square Rigger - 1) An old salt. 2) Sailor who goes to sleep early. 3) Opposite of a round rigger.

Submarine - A long sandwich.

Swell - 1) The best of something. 2) A mound made by mosquitoes you'll probably scratch.

Tactician - 1) One who counts screws and nails. 2) The luckiest or sorriest member of a crew.

Telltale - Talk about last night on shore.

Throw Line - An excuse used by a baseball pitcher after blowing it.

Winch - An object you grind until it groans. (Often confused with wench)